At the hospital.
Elderly gentleman in a wheelchair waiting for the elevator. Wants to know why the aide didn't take the car that opened up.
Aide: "That's going up sir, we need to go down."
man: "Oh, yes right. I've been on all this percocet. No wonder they call it dope."
Service worker in elevator: "That's all men do, goof around and fart."
Instructions written in a patient's bowel prep order: "Golytely 2000ml every hour until bowel is clear enough to read a newspaper through."
As one colleague said, "Would that be a N.Y. Times or The National Enquirer?"