Friday, July 06, 2007

How not to be desperate

It's amazing how many people type that phrase into a search engine and stumble across my little corner of the "blogosphere". There are variations; "why am I so desperate", or "so depserate". When I see them I get a little twinge inside, thinking about someone alone (probably), feeling bad about themselves and combing the internet in search of wisdom.

Now, while I know my prose is infinitely entertaining to all who visit, I thought "Why not make a helpful list for people, a guide to "how not to be desperate"?

Ten Ways Not to be Desperate

1)Give everyone you meet and greet a smile. If service people have a name tag, use it when you exchange pleasantries. Courtesy and gratitude are good Karma.

2)Give compliments freely, but sincerely, every day.

3)Create something: draw, paint, knit, write a poem, bake a pie, make spaghetti sauce. It's good for the soul, and fosters the spirit.

4)Practice letting go of negativity; meditate. Focus your energy on the positive: your partner, your health, your children, or family.

5) Catch yourself every time you say something negative. ("Oh, I'm so stupid!") Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it each time you do if you need.

6) Treat yourself well. Take a bubble bath. Cheat on a diet with a candy bar or a dish of ice cream. Buy a new dress or a pair of shoes if you can every once in a while. Get a manicure, even if you're a man!

7) Pet a dog or a cat. Tickle a baby passing in a carriage. Pick wildflowers to perk up your room, even if you have to put them in a coffee can. Connect yourself to the world around you.

8) Call a friend. Invite them over for coffee, or out for lunch or a drink. Odds are he or she would love to and is too caught up in the same busy life you are to think of doing it.

9)Practice the "Golden Rule". Always treat people with the same respect and kindness you would expect of them.

10) Accept that you will never, ever be able to force your will or view on another, and stop trying to.

11) In other words, Always wear sunscreen.


krysten said...



Linda said...

good advice! here's one more.... try watching the news. there will most likely be 10 stories about people with worse problems than yours, thus providing a little perspective, count your blessings. :-)

d-man said...

I like this.

Copy. Paste. Re-read.

Anonymous said...

Despite what people say, watching the news, reading the paper, whatever...seeing other people in worse situations usually and typically doesn't help your own situation out. I really hate when people say, "You haven't got it as bad as that person so get over it" that's utter tripe. Yes that other person is in a worse situation but I am feeling bad, so now all you've done is made me feel worse by comparing my life to someone else's and telling me that I shouldn't hurt because that person has got it worse. It seems to me that happy people often try to advise the unhappy on how to be happy like them. Again, tripe, things are different when you're unhappy, and if it were so easy to just be happy because someone tells you to, we wouldn't need therapists. So before you go telling someone who is unhappy to count their blessings, try a little empathy and find out why they are unhappy.

Giovanna said...

Leo, and I don’t know if you’ll come back here and see this or not, but for posterity I want to address your comment, because I can certainly understand it. The only reason I came up with an essay like that, is I was depressed. I still struggle with it. I have a therapist. And yes, those who try to help by saying, “just look at what you have” make it worse because they are invalidating your pain. When I was trying to find some direction in life, (or “how to snap out of it”) I read one of Deepak Chopra’s books called “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success”. It’s remarkably simple, and perhaps you would call it “tripe”, but it really helped me. So when I found from my visit log that I had a lot of hits from people entering the term “how to not be desperate” into Google, I decided they should find something helpful.

With all due respect, I think you’re misinterpreting what I wrote. I don’t believe there are any, “at least you have a roof over your head,”-s or “just snap out of it”-s. They are actions, things you can do. One of the worst things about depression is a feeling of hopelessness--- that you have no control over your life. At least that’s how I felt. But there are little things you can do that can have a positive impact on your daily existence, especially if you incorporate them into a routine. Take control.

Call it Karma, or whatever you want, but I truly believe you get what you give, and that includes giving to yourself.

Best wishes, and good luck in your search. And come back anytime, I am a good listener.

Valerie Miller said...

Hello check out my book "A resume of a desperate woman"

ReBecca McDaniel said...

Thank you.

lee woo said...

I have found it easier to identify with the characters who verge upon hysteria, who were frightened of life, who were desperate to reach out to another person. But these seemingly fragile people are the strong people really. See the link below for more info.


Leslie Lim said...

I read your blog.I thought it was great.. Hope you have a great day. God bless.