Friday, July 22, 2005

First Draft #1

Ok- I decided to post drafts. LOL I am actually happy with this, and at first I thought it was going to be crap. It took a totally different direction than what I jotted down on paper yesterday afternoon. Of course it could still be crap, and I am fully expecting much critique as always come next Tuesday. It is supposed to read as one long sentence- I am not using bad grammar!

"Third Times A Charm" (293 words)

I told Laura not to do it, I mean anyone could see that man was no good just looking at him, and it wasn't just the tattoo you know, he had this hard look in his eye, a mean look, like he was daring you to cross him, and I tried to warn her, but just as guys like that don't give a crap about no one but themselves you couldn't tell a girl like Laura anything because she knew everything about everything, like she was going to be different than the rest of them- that stupid, stupid girl; oh God, I didn't really mean that, she was the brightest, most beautiful girl inside and out, she had so much potential, and was sensitive too, why I remember the time... it must have been a year or so after her father left, when her dog got sick and she did everything she could to nurse that poor animal back to health but it just wasn't meant to be and the vet said he had to be put down, I thought she'd cry out with grief, because her daddy had given her that dog and she loved it so much, but she just went to her room for hours and hours until all of a sudden she came out and announced she was going to study to be a veterinarian so she could learn how to fix animals and make them all better, and it was all I could do not to cry myself right then and there, and curse her father for giving her the damn dog to begin with just so she could be hurt by him twice... but it doesn't matter if I cry now, because three times a charm right?


Jobee said...

I make comments on everything I read, so no offense. I think anyone instead of no one would keep the flow and did you want the title and last line to be different? Apostrophe? Third time's a charm?

Giovanna said...

Please, the whole thing is going to be torn apart by 11 other people next week, I'd rather hear comments from you et al first. hahahaha

I did mean for the two phrases to be different. I need to consult my Strunk's (since I no longer have an editor) but if you "google" the phrase with no apostrophe, you get articles from major news sites using it that way. If you do so with the apostrophe, Google will ask you if "you mean three times a charm?" and you get people's blogs and other personal sites. It does seem like it should be posessive though.